I titled the email “The way my brain works – why it’s all wrapped up in one big messy ball.” I hoped my husband would be able to understand. I wanted him to know why I was such a mess over what he viewed a temporary – fleeting really.
I was making a big deal of something, but for me it was everything all wrapped together.
One little (or not so little) snaffoo had the whole messy ball disintegrating before my mind’s eye. And I wasn’t sure how to deal with the fall-out that hadn’t happened but I anticipated any second and for years to come.
This study of light requires some training of my eye. Training to see the juxtaposition of light and dark, and the shadows in between. Training my eye to be drawn to the contrast. Training my mind to notice the little bits of light where hope is gathering.
I’m still learning.
Learning to wait for the Lord to reveal the light.
Learning to remember the darkness is just the stage on which the light will shine.
Learning to accept that I have to experience the darkness to appreciate the brightness of the light.
The light did come to save my big messy ball. It was just a tiny little crack of light showing between the layers and windings of the ball. But it was all I needed.
The ball was saved.
The darkness only needed 24 hours for the light to be able to shine through.
And I am slowly learning.