BLIZZARD IN MY HEAD

If people knew want went on in my mind they probably wouldn’t want to be my friend .

Too much craziness! 

It’s a blizzard of thoughts and worries and concerns and theories.  None of them are terribly mean or anything, just disorganized and frightening for the complete lack of focus. 

It’s pretty ugly!

Want a peek?

How well do I know my child? 

This is an important question to me. 

He’s such a wonderful boy, but not “typical” in so many ways.  He’s not weird or anything, just not typical.  He is so social – loves people, sensitive to their needs and feelings, motivated by relationships.  I love that.  But it doesn’t make for a typical boy.

Yeah, sure, he likes to play sports, but they aren’t his passion. 

He’s plenty smart, but not very academically focused. 

How do you find a way for a boy like that to excel?

He certainly deserves a chance for success, and I’m determined to give him that opportunity.

But success at what?

I have a friend with a son who is a few years older than J, and in many ways very similar to J.  It is so wonderful to watch him maturing and growing into himself.  His mom has found some really unique but wonderful opportunities for him.

I pray I can be as creative as my friend has been as I work with J to help him find his path to success.

Oh, and believe me, I know that I cannot make J’s success for him.  I don’t want to be that controlling mom who determines what is right for her child because she has dreams. 

I know he’s called by God for something, and I’m not in control of that.

But I think it is my job as his parent to know him well enough to encourage him towards opportunities that are a good match for his skills and passions.

He’s not typical, and it would be terrible of me to expect typical forms of success from him.

Leo and Sophie (the dog and cat) are filling my thoughts these days.

Leo spent the day at the vet yesterday because he had something caught in his throat the night before and gagged all night long.

By the time the vet could look in there, nothing.

Could be he had something, ejected it, but it caused an abrasion inside.

My mind goes to the thoughts of embarrassment for how much money we spend on this blank-ity blank dog, and what others will think of me for that.

Crazy!

I am glad that Leo is not dying of some horrible throat obstructing tumor (yes, that roamed around in my thoughts as well), but I sure wish we didn’t have a new vet bill.

And Sophie, well that little girl keeps catching mice.

A good thing, but yuck!  I hate finding her playing with them.

This tree in our yard fell down two weeks ago.

J was the first to notice it since we weren’t home when it happened.

He cried!

It was called the J-tree because J played there so much.

For now we’re leaving it there.  J objects to it being cut up.  And he completely freaks at the idea of it being burned for firewood.

But Andy and I see it as downed firewood that we won’t have to drive up into the mountains to get next summer and fall.

Turns out it was rotten inside.

Blew down in a stiff wind.

Could have really hurt someone if they were playing in it when it fell down.

I’m disturbed by the Wikileaks stuff.  Makes me mad that someone is so arrogant as to think they know what is best for the world.  I don’t approve of that Julian guy at all.  I hope the Swedes catch him and put him in prison for a long long time.

But what keeps coming to my mind are the rude comments by U.S. diplomats about people from other countries. 

What a disappointment.

Don’t they have any self-control?

Or respect for others?

Professionalism isn’t just what you say in public or to someone’s face.  It includes what you say behind people’s backs, and clearly our diplomats did not create a culture of professionalism.

Climbing off my soap box now.

Sorry!

Now, add in thoughts about our tight budget and Christmas gifts for J and others.

Throw on top of that considerations related to my job – am I being successful at it?

Should I do more?

How about additional thoughts about the need for improvement in my housekeeping skills?

Mix in a bit (or a lot) of concern about my fat body and whether I can ever get control of that.

A dash of thoughts about family dynamics with Andy’s siblings.  Not to mention my own siblings.

And the new baby – Charlie – that will be joining my extended family in March.

That leads to thoughts about my own battle with infertility.

And hopes that maybe it could be overcome by a miracle.

Except that next week I have a birthday putting me officially into the second half of my forties, adding a final nail into the coffin of possibility of having more children .

But wait, didn’t I come to accept that years ago. 

Guess not. 

Could have fooled me.

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